Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
