dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
pray to the hookup gods
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
