This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
