she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
