why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
