THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
