You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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