there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
