like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
