I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
