His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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