Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We are two peas in an std pod
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
