did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
