Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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