well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
