4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
