Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
