so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I would ride that face into the sunset
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
