I wanna bring you to show and tell
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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