Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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