I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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