Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
