forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
