i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
