I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
