i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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