Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
