I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
