david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
