No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
