If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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