well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
