dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
