dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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