Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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