you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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