Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
