even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
