Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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