I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
