i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
