oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is it because I queefed?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
