just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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