I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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