if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
