don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
