I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
