Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
