Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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