I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
