The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You made out with two different species that night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize