i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
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He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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