I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
