new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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