did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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