Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
