The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
