I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
