I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
