I wish my penis had an off switch
She is in my trunk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
