you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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