You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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