Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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