I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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