We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
