I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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