john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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