if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
