You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
