Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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