Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
