They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
