it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My balls are so social today.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
