every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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