Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
