Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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