is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Porn is love you can see.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
